Pondering the question "What Am I Here For?" I know that I should be reaching out to my fellow man. But I find that I am deeply distrustful of people now. I was always an outcast, and now, I suppose as a personal armor of sorts, I don't bother to care. Rather, I hide behind a mask of arrogance and disdain - people can't possible WANT me to care. Beneath all of that, there is this little girl asking "will you be my friend?" She was always too shy, though, and so friends, true friends, are few and far between. Someone once said, "Shyness is just fear in disguise." So true.
Because there is this need to make my life worth something, to truly matter, I am quite discontented right now. I have not seen that I have any impact on anyone. Yet, I am sitting here in my home office, between two hard-working young men that have already become so much more than I could ever have hoped. And I have to remind myself, for this moment, this is what I'm here for - for them. Whatever I learn by teaching them, whatever experiences I go through now, I will someday be able to turn into encouragement for someone else.
So, today, I will do those tasks that are set before me, and I will not complain. Because someday, I am sure, I will look back and long for these days.
