Try

The Word in Practical Application

I've tried several times to put up a new post here, but it just wasn't working out. I wrote this wonderful, long word study on sanctification, and it wouldn't copy and paste into the blog.  Phooey.

I think back to all the times in my life when something just seemed too hard, too frustrating, too...blocked, to be worth it. In those times, I learned to step back and look at what I was trying to do.  It was the try part that was getting me into trouble, I've discovered.  When I 'try' to do something for the Lord, it's usually driven by a desire for some type of recognition.

When we try, work, or do for the kingdom, it is rarely with the right intention. God judges all of our actions on the condition of the heart behind those actions. More and more, I'm finding that what I do matters so little in the face of who I am. Living in the Holy Spirit, we have the opportunity to simply function, and be blessed. Too often, we strive toward some goal, as though we are working our way into the kingdom. Yet our most impactful actions are those that come out of a natural Christ-like response to someone in need. We're always surprised to see how easy it was, and how good it felt, just doing the right thing.

I have not arrived, in fact, I hope you won't hold your breath waiting for me to let you know when I have - I don't want you beating me to heaven! But I'm learning this - God is our foundation in Righteousness; Jesus is our application in Peace; the Holy Spirit is our rest in Joy. There is a pattern here that I am studying with my Dad. When something (in scripture) comes in threes, it has a correlation to the trinity, God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit = Righteousness, Peace and Joy.  When we go from one to the other, we are building on a foundation, not moving out of one, into another.

What I'm aiming for, then, is to build a foundation in God's righteousness. Then to apply it in peace, as Jesus did. Finally, when the righteousness and peace are in place, we find ourselves dwelling, operating and resting in the Holy Spirit, a place of pure joy.

So, where do you see yourself in this process?

Like Gold

Job 23:10 "For He knoweth the way that I take: When He hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold."

It's hard not to imagine ourselves as gold - shiny and expensive.  It's what we truly desire, for the most part.  But I think that there is far more that we could be looking forward to, if we embrace the fullest meaning of this word.  To be as gold, malleable and precious and rare, is the greater treasure.  There is such a difference between being expensive and being precious.  Gold is both expensive, and precious.  It is a thing that is difficult to attain, yet until it is crafted by a master's hands, it is nothing but a rock.

If we allow ourselves to be tried, to go through rather than avoid, the trials of life, then we come out as a work of art.  The beauty of gold is that it can be reshaped, repurposed, over and over again.  God is the ultimate recycler.  He never throws away a broken soul.  No matter what you go through, you can be used by God to bring glory and honor to His name.  More treasured is the vessel fit for daily use than the one so fragile that it must only be brought out for special occasions.

New Vision

It is hard to reconcile who I am now with who I have been.  Not without purpose, but most certainly without aim.  In striving for the rest spoken of in Hebrews ("Let us therefore fear, lest, a promise being left us of entering into his rest, any of you should seem to come short of it." Heb. 4:1), I wonder if I have left the path to wander in a wilderness.

I might say that I am discontent, and yet, what I wish for, what I desire, I am willing to patiently work toward.  The result of what I hope to attain will itself be hard work, and I both look forward to it, and dread the beginning of it, when I am least able to do it comfortably.

 It is in seeking my comfort that I feel I have somehow come short of something tangible.  I don't put myself out much for others anymore.  It is a strange flip, from the me that was ever a people-pleaser.  I say no to doing things outside of the home, but I fill my time with the things that I wish to do, and have lost all sense of purpose and perhaps even passion in doing so.

In rambling on, perhaps I have touched a place where you are.  If I have, don't lose hope - we are not all aimlessly wandering this life, treading water as it were, until the next life comes upon us.  No, we have a daily impact on those around us, even if they are only our immediate family.  So, if I am going to strive, it will be toward relationship with Jesus, and in some small way give that as a gift to my family, my husband and my sons, and trust that in this, God will bless them, as He has indeed blessed me.

I cannot say that I am not blessed.  I have such abundance in my life that I am quite spoiled.  There are hardships to be sure, but they are spiritual, emotional - not physical.  They are things that truly matter, and they are battles worth winning.  To him that overcomes, the promise reads, by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of our testimony.  The blood is applied, I walk daily in God's grace and forgiveness.  What, then, is my testimony...

I Quit Church

Several months ago, I stopped attending church. For people who know me, they find that surprising, even shocking. I've talked to my husband about it, to my parents, to a few close friends. I explored some of the feelings that I had, excuses, if you will, for not being happy, or comfortable.

There always seems to be this yawning divide between the small church and the large church. I grew up in small churches. They seemed stagnant, stuck in a rut of self-absorption, even though I could see that as individuals, members were growing, maturing in their Christian walk. It was good, but never good enough.

Lately, I've only been in large churches. Places where I felt lost in the crowd, unnoticed, unneeded, totally out of place. When I stepped out into any type of ministry, it always felt like a square peg-round hole kind of fit. That kind of functionality in a corporate environment lead to discontent, and eventually to burnout.

In my most recent fellowship, it seemed that the leadership formed a sort of glass bubble. I could see them, perhaps speak to them, but never get close, never form a relationship. Involved as I was in a prayer group, I could see that it was fringe element - recognized by the leadership, but not necessarily important to them.

I wondered if it was my pride that made me discontented, that made me resent not being recognized for my talents, gifts or calling. I have never had to strive for anything - hold fast, yes, work hard at what I was doing, certainly, but never did I have to strive for the things that God had for me. I felt comfortable allowing it to happen, all in God's time. I cannot make something happen if it is not His will, and I would be mortified to put such effort forth, to force an event or position that was not of His plan and purpose. So, I wait, and when a task is before me, I do it. I believe that I am open to his leading, that the Holy Spirit has an open connection with me, and I am prepared for whatever task He may ask of me.

No, I am, I realize, right where I need to be - and yes, forsaking the assembly goes against everything I believe, but right now, my family needs me. And soon, I will find the fellowship that God intends, and I believe that once there, I won't feel that sense of invisibility or uselessness. I will fulfill my destiny, just as I am now, without struggle, without questioning, because I will set my hand to the task before me, and not look back.

Masks

Here in Southern Louisiana, we are in the thoes of the Mardi Gras season. Since I have been here (over four years now), I have heard the widely differing views held by Christians on whether we should be in any way involved in this holiday.

From a fundamentalist point of view, the holiday originated in the Catholic church, and was a perverted incarnation of Christian observances, as are many Catholic traditions. It is a sad fact, that so many in this region must by now recognize, that religion has far more influence on our lives than relationship does.

I'm not anti-Mardi Gras. I am anti-Fat Tuesday, Bourbon Street booze fest. I am anti-loud rap music with offensive lyrics. I am emphatically anti-greed induced frenzy, which is the reason I hate Halloween, as well.

But that's not what I meant to blog about today. If you will indulge me this, head over to my other blog to read "What's Behind the Mask?" at http://designsbyjolea.blogspot.com/

Thanks.

Deeply Philosophical

Pondering the question "What Am I Here For?" I know that I should be reaching out to my fellow man. But I find that I am deeply distrustful of people now. I was always an outcast, and now, I suppose as a personal armor of sorts, I don't bother to care. Rather, I hide behind a mask of arrogance and disdain - people can't possible WANT me to care. Beneath all of that, there is this little girl asking "will you be my friend?" She was always too shy, though, and so friends, true friends, are few and far between. Someone once said, "Shyness is just fear in disguise." So true.

Because there is this need to make my life worth something, to truly matter, I am quite discontented right now. I have not seen that I have any impact on anyone. Yet, I am sitting here in my home office, between two hard-working young men that have already become so much more than I could ever have hoped. And I have to remind myself, for this moment, this is what I'm here for - for them. Whatever I learn by teaching them, whatever experiences I go through now, I will someday be able to turn into encouragement for someone else.

So, today, I will do those tasks that are set before me, and I will not complain. Because someday, I am sure, I will look back and long for these days.