Sunday IV

This is a departure from my recent posts on church going.

A very recent experience has left me troubled in my mind, in my heart and in my spirit. My mind holds on to the thing that was done to me, the memory of it. I'm certain the enemy seeks to stir that as often as possible, to keep me stewing in it. My heart bears the hurt, like a fresh wound, painful, sore to the touch. In typical human nature, I don't leave alone to heal, but pick and pull at the scab, inspecting it deeply. It can do nothing less than leave a huge scar.

It is the residual effects in my spirit that I wrestle with the most. This whole situation has called upon me to measure my Christianity. Many of the standards I hold up are false measures. They are traditions, long-held beliefs and religious pillars in my life. Much like testing the earthquake-readiness of a building, my foundations have taken some shaking. Cracks have been opened, weaknesses revealed.

Here's the thing: people will hurt you. I've known this much of my life. It rarely affected me like it has in this situation, but I can look back and see a few times when God has shaken my foundations to test me. You should know something about me - I am the eternal optimist.

My mother told me this story when I was growing up, about two little girls. One was a pessimist, the other an incurable optimist. The parents wanted to help the girls see things with more balance. So they showered the pessimist with grand gifts, hoping to improve her outlook on life. Of the new bike, she proclaimed it would only make her fall down and scrape herself. Of the grand new dolly, she said it would be broken and dirty with use. Nothing they gave her ever met with her approval. The other girl could find no wrong in any gift. So, they gave her a sack full of horse manure. She squealed with joy and ran through the house, laughing all the while. She opened closet doors, peeked under all the beds, become more and more excited. Finally, her parents stopped her to ask, "what are you so excited about, child?" She replied, "With all this manure, there must be a pony around here somewhere!"

That was me. I saw only the good in any situation. This is not a bad trait to have. I have certainly given grace where others might not have. In this case, though, I feel I might have had blinders over my rose-colored glasses. I opened my home to a family in need. That is what I saw - actually, I didn't even see that until they arrived. I truly opened my heart to them because I saw an opportunity to heal relationships. Perhaps I was even guilty of meddling.

Now, As I look back on the whole experience, I still struggle to see all of the pieces of God's plan through the haze of pain and disillusionment. These people took advantage of me. They lied to me, and then they stole from me. I responded in anger, but I also followed my husband's lead, as we sternly invited these offenders to leave our home and not return.

Now I have to return to the wound, examine it and find it's root cause, and discover if it will heal as it should, or if perhaps there is something festering deep down that must be rooted out. What I fear is a residual pain that will hold me back from helping the next person in need. It is in my nature to trust, and to give. That leaves me wide open to being taken advantage of. This is most certainly a large part of why I am with the husband I have. He, being the polar opposite of me, wields far more wisdom and caution than I.

I will have to continue this post in a day or so, as I ferret out all the causes and effects this situation has put upon me as a Christian. I saw this as an opportunity to be Jesus to someone who hadn't known Him. Did I fail? Did I plant a seed? I may never know. And I am left examining broken pieces of my heart, asking God why it had to happen. When, or if, I discover more answers, I want to share them with you. Because deep down, I know that I am not alone in this.

Until next time, may God richly bless you in all of His wisdom and love.

Sunday III

A Sunday Religion

My mother wears a T-shirt that says “Religion is hanging around the cross, Christianity is getting on it.” For those of us caught in the trap of the Church as a social club, this should be a wake up call. It’s not wrong that we socialize, or even that we go to church on Sunday for that reason. What’s wrong is that we think church on Sunday IS our Christianity.

As a culture, for as far back as our earliest American roots, we’ve looked to the church for moral guidance, for scriptural instruction and for inspiration. We’ve failed to recognize this simple truth. We are the church. We don’t exist just on Sunday, and neither should our faith.

I have no doubt that we would suffer so much less disenchantment with our church if we embraced this thought. I am the church, every day.  You see, the church is the dwelling place of God. If we leave him in the sanctuary on Sunday, then how much effect can He have in our lives on Monday?

By adjusting our concept of the purpose of the church, we take a huge load of expectation off of our pastors and church leadership. Just as a shepherd leads his flock to food and water, and a pastor is one who leads us to the truth. He cannot hand feed us, nor should he be giving us IV fluids. He can lead us to the right place, but we must shoulder the responsibility to do what needs to be done while we are there.

If you find yourself discontented with your church experience, reevaluate your expectations. Take responsibility for learning and growing in your relationship with Christ. So many people are at a loss as to how to develop this relationship – all I know to say is this: take all the best features of all the people in your life and apply them to this person who is with you at all times. Then magnify that person’s goodness a thousand fold. Here is your constant companion who is the embodiment of love. Then talk to Him, consider Him in your choices, be intentional in your thoughts toward Him. All of this develops this relationship. Listen for Him in your heart, in your thoughts, in your circumstances. Revel in the blessing. An attitude of gratitude makes it so much easier to hear Him.

In all this, you will find that you are the living tabernacle, the daily church. When you join other believers in worship, with the unrealistic expectations lifted, your experience may just be all that God intended it to be.

So, how do you feel about your church?

Sunday II

Another week we didn't go to church. I've decided that this will be a good way to journal about this experience. Why might it be such a big deal to me, personally? How does it impact my family?

First of all, you should know this about me. I was raised in church. My mother was saved when I was a baby, my father accepted Christ during my Dedication ceremony. Other than a few times in our lives when my parents weren't active members somewhere, I spent my entire life in this habit. We went Sunday morning and evening, Wednesday evenings, and occasional weekly Bible studies.

We were generally members of Pentecostal churches, some more radical than others. We tended to go where they were teaching-heavy. As a teenager, I sat under a born-again Jewish charismatic bible scholar. As newlyweds, my husband and I sat under an Old Testament scholar.

To say I have been steeped in Bible teaching would be an understatement. I've been basted, broiled, baked, slow-cooked, hard-boiled and steamed in it. Yet here I am. Not in church. It feels strange, as if I am slipping through some crack in the religious landscape, to discover another foreign world.

I am discovering a simple joy in spending my days and nights considering my Lord. Who is He to me? What is He to me? In being relieved of the pressure to conform to some society's concept of the proper Christian, I have been freed to get to know God, my heavenly Father, Jesus, my Savior and joint-heir in the Kingdom, and the Holy Spirit, my constant all-knowing companion.

This is not where I will be quoting scripture to convince myself of my right or wrong. I know them, and that they apply. It is never sufficient to just know any part of God's Word. Without the wisdom to apply it to my life, it is fruitless. So, in this time of not being in church, we are sitting down to the dining room table each Sunday morning to read and discuss Proverbs. If it's wisdom we need, that's a great place to start.

Eventually, I trust that God will lead us to the right place of fellowship with other believers. In the meantime, I'm going to practice this concept of being the church, where ever I am. Perhaps my sons will come to know God in a more personal, un-religiously-cluttered way through this experience. I do not question what God is doing in our lives right now. It is all about walking through the fog, toward his voice, and finding we've been supported by grace all along.

What about you? Church or no church? Why?

Sunday

Did you wonder where I was? I was in the wind, and it was good.

God tells me wonderful things when I move away from what's comfortable, familiar and distracting. Somewhere between home and Grand Isle, He spoke to me.

I am the church. You are the church. It's not a building. I know, I know. We've all heard this. Sometimes, it takes a while to get down on the inside of us.

No wait, there's more. He reminded me that I am the church at home, and in the grocery store, and on the road. I am the dwelling place of the Most High God, no matter where I am. So, unless I had an out of body experience Sunday morning, I didn't actually miss church.

I did miss the fellowship. I missed seeing the friendly faces and soaking up the worship. I didn't miss a great conversation with my husband about how God operates in our lives. I didn't miss taking care of my sick son.

I still struggle with this. I feel like I've done something wrong when I don't go. At the same time, I've never felt more discontented with the modern church than I have in the last couple of years. A big part of that is what is happening in me. A big part of it is what's happening in the church as a whole.

In His way, God was reassuring me that I am still His child, in church or in the wind. He made me think, made me meditate on His Word and made me laugh. That's a pretty good time. What I know, deep down in my heart, is that I don't need religion. I don't need a list of rules to dictate my behavior. I don't need more teaching on prosperity, faith or healing.

What I need, is God. In the morning, at noon, in the evening and in the dead of night. More than I need to see my husband or hear my children's laughter. More than I need to write, to clean or to give someone well-meaning advice. I need the relationship that draws me so close to Him that I smell of Him, take on His mannerisms, speak as though He's in the room.

Church is within me - the observances of worship and learning, they dwell with me every moment of every day. All that I am missing is the fellowship of believers. So, I'll see you in church, but not religiously. I'd rather share a meal and little bit of life with you, and know that God in me was happy to see God in you.

What is church to you?

Is This My Ministry?

Is This My Ministry? 

When you're elbow deep in dirty dishes, or nose deep in smelly laundry, God's purpose for your life is probably the most elusive of concepts. It is so hard to see the eternal impact of what you are doing in that moment. These are the times when the enemy usually succeeds in discouraging us. We give in to the sense of hopelessness, loss of direction and we may even wind up wading in a pool of self-pity--a substance far smellier than your son's gym clothes!

The problem we have with doing housework is that it is so daily. It is a never-ending stream of tasks with no real feeling of having attained a goal. Even when you get it all done today, it will still have to be done tomorrow. It is discouraging and frustrating and for most of us, not even slightly fulfilling.

To overcome this, we will have to make our minds about something. We have to realize that there is genuine value in seeing our home as our first ministry. It doesn't have to be our only ministry, but it needs to be first. When we list our priorities, our head, our accumulated knowledge tells us that we should have them in this order: God, Family, Country (or something like that).

I could go on and on about how putting God first will reap tremendous benefits in your life. I'm pretty sure that you know that in your heads. Walking it out - now that's a different story. So let's try a back door approach. Remind yourself, each time you tackle one of those tedious chores, that this is the most important job I have to do today, because it's just me and God. Take the opportunity, while your brain doesn't have to be engaged in high gear while your hands are busy, to talk to God - and listen. Sing praises, meditate on  a scripture, make mental lists of things you're grateful for. All the things that you can do to point your heart in the direction of loving God.

You will reap two rewards. One, the chores will be done, two, you'll find yourself closer to God in so many ways. What is happening is you are walking out this scripture: "Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. All of you, take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves. For My yoke is easy and My burden light." Matt. 11:28-30 (Holman CSB).

You didn't avoid the work - that's not the rest Jesus promises us. He says take up His yoke and learn from Him. Taking up the yoke and learning are both active processes. Jesus is not promising us lack of work, but accomplishment without burnout. There is supernatural power available to us to accomplish all that we must do, without risk of burnout, through this simple concept. Perhaps you've heard it referred to as walking in the Spirit. While that sounds highly spiritual and enlightened, what it really means is that you are in such close relationship with Christ that your daily activities become weightless, the burden of them is lifted because you are supernaturally empowered to accomplish them, and you do not suffer burnout.

Yet another blessing in all of this is the change in attitude and it's effect in your home. When you find yourself doing the chores joyfully, because in His presence, there is fullness of joy, it affects the people around you. Strife is no longer plaguing your household. A home full of joy is a place where your family wants to be, and your relationships will be enriched.

This is not some pie-in-the-sky, ultra-spiritual concept. 1 Thess. 5:16-22 tells us "Rejoice always! Pray constantly. Give thanks in everything, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Don't stifle the Spirit. Don't despise prophecies, but test all things. Hold on to what is good. Stay away from every form of evil." (Holman CSB) This is worship. This is what it is to dwell daily in the presence of God. To make ourselves a living tabernacle, a dwelling place for the Most High God. It is a mighty undertaking that Jesus says He will make effortless for us, if we will just come to Him.

I urge you to try this. The next time you are facing a dreaded household chore - put on some praise music, or recite your favorite Bible verse, or just talk to God like He's standing right there next to you at the sink. He longs to lift us up, but He can only do that when we ourselves are humble. There nothing more humble that being on your knees scrubbing a toilet and giving thanks to God for having a pot to….well, you get my drift.

Give me the eyes of Christ

It has long been my prayer to see people through Christ's eyes. That is such an all-encompassing request. There is really no way to measure my success. What I find, when I see people through His eyes, is that I see pain behind the anger, I see hurt behind the attack, and I see the need for grace more than ever before.

I'm sure that some will find this candid example offensive - but each time a person of color walks down the sidewalk in front of my house, I have a decision to make. I decide whether to think uncharitable thoughts or to consider their plight. As a whole, I find the black race an enigma. I never considered myself racist. But I now see how we treat one another differently, not because of color, but because of behavior. It is less a color difference, and more a culture difference. I can, by recognizing this, now consider with compassion why a mother with four young children is walking down the street in the heat of the summer. Rather than seeing her as a victim of poverty, or as a nuisance when they loudly make their way down the sidewalk, I see her as a fellow traveler with a destiny as great as my own.

It makes me want to be a public speaker, a preacher or evangelist. I want to have a voice to announce to these people that there is hope, there is something greater to live for. I would love to rush out there and ask her if she knows Jesus. Fear keeps me from actually doing that - although I have had the temerity to ask one of the them not to walk on my lawn! Such a hypocrite.

Yes, I tend to judge myself harshly as well. It serves to demonstrate in a very real way that God's ways are not our ways. Where I would give judgement, He gives forgiveness. Where I would give criticism, He gives comfort. Where I would give advice, He gives grace. I am learning that I can only help someone when I am subject to and a student of the same mercy and grace they require. To walk a mile...