Pondering the question "What Am I Here For?" I know that I should be reaching out to my fellow man. But I find that I am deeply distrustful of people now. I was always an outcast, and now, I suppose as a personal armor of sorts, I don't bother to care. Rather, I hide behind a mask of arrogance and disdain - people can't possible WANT me to care. Beneath all of that, there is this little girl asking "will you be my friend?" She was always too shy, though, and so friends, true friends, are few and far between. Someone once said, "Shyness is just fear in disguise." So true.
Because there is this need to make my life worth something, to truly matter, I am quite discontented right now. I have not seen that I have any impact on anyone. Yet, I am sitting here in my home office, between two hard-working young men that have already become so much more than I could ever have hoped. And I have to remind myself, for this moment, this is what I'm here for - for them. Whatever I learn by teaching them, whatever experiences I go through now, I will someday be able to turn into encouragement for someone else.
So, today, I will do those tasks that are set before me, and I will not complain. Because someday, I am sure, I will look back and long for these days.
Showing posts with label homeschool. Show all posts
Showing posts with label homeschool. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Generation of Martyrs
Late in the night, words flowed through my mind like water. It was one of those times when sleep would not come and I simply lay quiet and open to the Lord. What He had to say would have been absolutely frightening if I did not have absolute faith in my God and Lord.
I have two young sons, ages eight and eleven. I have long recognized that they are warriors. It was a simple understanding inside of me from the very beginning. We gave them names that we hope and believe will carry tremendous blessings in their lives. But this was something I had not considered.
That my sons, even as trained warriors, would eventually be faced with this choice: deny God or die, that makes this Momma's heart cry out. This was what the Lord was saying to me, even as he gave me other specific instructions, not meant to be discussed here. The point is, what am I doing today to prepare them for this future?
I think of King David, who fasted and prayed while his newborn son was still alive, but rose, cleaned up and ate when the child died. Nathan, his most trusted adviser, questioned David. The King replied, ""While the child was alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, 'Who can tell [whether] the LORD will be gracious to me, that the child may live?" 2 Sam. 12:22.
Should I be in fasting and prayer for them, that they may not suffer such a fate? With such advance warning, perhaps I could prevent it - just as David could have chosen not to commit adultery and murder, which lead to the child's death. Or perhaps, as I suspect, this is direction from the Lord to protect my children's character. I have always known that I was chosen to be these children's mother, teacher, protector and example. I do not question these things - because I know that God is in control. There are several scriptures on predestination that I may share at a later time. Suffice it to say that God knows who I am, who my sons are, and what we will become.
So, in chosing to homeschool, I have the opportunity and the great responsibility to train my sons in the character issues that will allow them to stand firm in the face of persecution. The whole world is groaning in preparation of the coming of our King. You cannot ignore the evidence around us. The time is near - I don't know if I will see it, or even my sons. In the scope of eternity, each of our generations are merely a speck on the timeline of creation. What I do know is that Christian freedoms are threatened on every side. Are my sons prepared to stand in the face of it?
When they were born, I stated this purpose in parenting - I am raising my sons to be good hasbands. It is a good goal, but I realize now that it should be secondary to this purpose - I must raise my sons to be men of God. To be strong in purpose, yet humble. To be courageous in battle, yet compassionate. To be firm in knowledge, yet teachable. To, in all things, be submitted to Christ and the Holy Spirit. If I can give them this, then I will be a success.
I have two young sons, ages eight and eleven. I have long recognized that they are warriors. It was a simple understanding inside of me from the very beginning. We gave them names that we hope and believe will carry tremendous blessings in their lives. But this was something I had not considered.
That my sons, even as trained warriors, would eventually be faced with this choice: deny God or die, that makes this Momma's heart cry out. This was what the Lord was saying to me, even as he gave me other specific instructions, not meant to be discussed here. The point is, what am I doing today to prepare them for this future?
I think of King David, who fasted and prayed while his newborn son was still alive, but rose, cleaned up and ate when the child died. Nathan, his most trusted adviser, questioned David. The King replied, ""While the child was alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, 'Who can tell [whether] the LORD will be gracious to me, that the child may live?" 2 Sam. 12:22.
Should I be in fasting and prayer for them, that they may not suffer such a fate? With such advance warning, perhaps I could prevent it - just as David could have chosen not to commit adultery and murder, which lead to the child's death. Or perhaps, as I suspect, this is direction from the Lord to protect my children's character. I have always known that I was chosen to be these children's mother, teacher, protector and example. I do not question these things - because I know that God is in control. There are several scriptures on predestination that I may share at a later time. Suffice it to say that God knows who I am, who my sons are, and what we will become.
So, in chosing to homeschool, I have the opportunity and the great responsibility to train my sons in the character issues that will allow them to stand firm in the face of persecution. The whole world is groaning in preparation of the coming of our King. You cannot ignore the evidence around us. The time is near - I don't know if I will see it, or even my sons. In the scope of eternity, each of our generations are merely a speck on the timeline of creation. What I do know is that Christian freedoms are threatened on every side. Are my sons prepared to stand in the face of it?
When they were born, I stated this purpose in parenting - I am raising my sons to be good hasbands. It is a good goal, but I realize now that it should be secondary to this purpose - I must raise my sons to be men of God. To be strong in purpose, yet humble. To be courageous in battle, yet compassionate. To be firm in knowledge, yet teachable. To, in all things, be submitted to Christ and the Holy Spirit. If I can give them this, then I will be a success.
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