Approval Seekers

Well, I put it off all day, but this one won't let me go. That and Obedience is Not Conditional. Oh, neither one is comfortable. Have you ever heard the saying "To teach is to learn twice."? Yeah, I have to live it to be able to put it here.

So, who are approval seekers. Well, believe it or not, all of us are. We all have a tendency to seek the approval of others. It's the 'I'm in the IN crowd' at school, the 'I'm the go-to guy at work', the 'I'll do anything for attention' on the playground. It seems to be the primary motivation in so many people's lives. On the one hand, it is the positive aspect of being careful of our behavior, so that people don't look down on us. On the other hand, it has it's roots in idolatry and pride. Oh, nasty, nasty. I told you I put this off all day!!!

Let's look at the behaviors associated with approval seeking. First, you fashion your behavior in such a way that the target audience will give you something in return. Examples: I did a good job cleaning the house, so my husband should take me out to dinner; or I volunteered at the church so the Pastor will publicly thank me for my service; or I bought you a gift, so I'm your very best friend and have unlimited access to you.

Well, like all behavior issues we develop in life, this is an emotional issue that can quickly get out of balance. First of all, the absolute, most important thing to remember, is that God is your only judge! Permanently attach in your mind the thought that God loves you enough to sacrifice His own Son for you. That lightens the load of that judgment thing.

Now, remember that God created man in His own image - "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness;" Gen 1:26. (NKJV) This means that the emotions within us were created in us for a purpose. It is only when they are misdirected, or uncontrolled, that they become a destructive force in our lives. When we allow our emotions to control us, they become our master, we are subservient to them. This means that the true Lord and Master of our lives has been supplanted. This is how approval seeking becomes bad for us.

You see, the Word admonishes us: "And [whatever] you do in word or deed, [do] all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." Col 3:7 (NKJV) Also, "Let all [that] you [do] be done with love." 1 Cor 16:14 (NKJV) In both cases, the writer was speaking of how we behave toward one another. Without overdoing it here, I want to impress on you that this is a matter of motive of the heart. Out of a pure heart, comes pure motives. Pure motives are driven by true love, the kind of love that we can only learn at the heart of the Father.

The opposite of true love is love of self, which drives selfish motives. These are the motives that cause us to seek the approval of a person here on earth. We virtually prostitute ourselves for the sake of a feeling. It is addictive and consuming. It is also carefully fostered and encouraged in this culture. Give to get, work to earn, please to be pleased. I am at once fascinated and confounded by the upside-down kingdom of God. All the principles that equal success in God are absolutely backwards from what we are learning from our environment today. God asks us to give out of a pure heart, to work as though we do it only for Him, and to please Him in our worship and our praise.

What the world does not understand is that there is a God-sized hole in our soul, and only He can fit it perfectly. You can try to substitute money, success, drugs, sex, youth and all manner of indulgences. None of them work. Not to be discouraging, but at the moment of salvation, all of those substitutes are not suddenly ripped from you leaving perfect space for God, either. It takes time, it takes commitment, it takes a desire to see real change, to go after God hard enough and long enough to chip all those things away, and let God totally fill you with His Spirit.

It's not all doom and gloom. All the striving that you have done to be a better person, is done in you, through submission to the Lord. As He fills you more and more, you find more joy, more peace, more righteousness in you. The result is a blessed life, no matter where you are, who you are with or how much money you have. I don't for one second belief that the Creator of the Universe has it in His plan for us to struggle to put food on the table, a roof over our heads, and clothes on our backs. As long are our focus is on Him, those things will come. When our focus is on getting what we think we need from the people around us, we live in perpetual dissappointment and discouragement.

It is all a matter of perspective. "I will lift up my eyes to the hills-- From whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber." Psalm 121:1-3 (NKJV)

If you have any questions or comments, I encourage you to email me or leave a comment. Also, if you are looking for an online bible study resource, try www.blueletterbible.org.

Be Blessed in the Lord!